If you’ve got the money, honey…


I am not here to write. I am here to keep myself busy so I don’t go online and buy a third pair of shoes to wear to my daughter’s wedding.

I can justify having two pairs: the high-heeled leather shoes I bought for the ceremony itself, and the gray sneakers that match my outfit perfectly, which I will wear to the reception.

The problem is that I just found another pair of gray sneakers that I like even better.

I found them while shopping online for bridal shoes for my daughter, even though she’d texted me a picture of another pair of shoes, which I told her to buy. They were okay… but is something out there completely splendiferous? I have to find out.

It’s not just shoes, either. After I selected my outfit a few months ago, I bought a light ruana which would complement it nicely. When it arrived, I worried it might be too flimsy… so I bought a woolen ruana with a delightful autumn flair. Today, of course, it occurred to me that these silly kids are getting married in upstate New York in November, when really cold weather is possible. I found a beautiful, fur-lined Dennis Basso cape that would keep me warm in Siberia. It’s now on my Ebay watch list, and I’m hoping to stop myself from buying that too.

And my hat? Please! I bought a very plain little fascinator a few weeks ago, which will be quite flattering and perfectly tasteful… but wouldn’t a big gray fedora be fun? Or a cloche, with lovely diamond pin? At my own wedding, I wore a Juliet cap with a scrumptious little veil around my face… wouldn’t something of the sort be lovely, and useful to hide the scars and wrinkles I’ve acquired in the ensuing years? Or how about a big ol’ Western hat, like the Stetson I wore at my reception? Wouldn’t that add a sense of whimsy to the proceedings?

As for my outfit itself, I don’t know. When I purchased it, I thought a jumpsuit would be ever so nice and unusual… which it is. I hoped it would fit beautifully… which it does. Am I happy with it? Yes, until anyone asks me what sort of dress I’m planning to wear to my daughter’s wedding.


I found a website which makes dresses to your measurements, and had them make me a frock for the bridal shower. Once it arrived, and I saw how lovely it was, the agony began. Should I have them make me a dress? The affair isn’t going to be formal at all, so a gown is out of the question, but would a tea-length dress be more appropriate than the outfit in my closet? Would a navy blue dress imprinted with moons and stars clash with what everyone else is wearing, or would it be too Harry Potter?

For that matter, are my new wire-framed, roundish glasses a little too Harry Potter as well? Will they photograph nicely, or is it time to spring for contacts? And could I get used to wearing them within a month?

I don’t know why I am agonizing over such minutiae. After all, it isn’t MY wedding; my goal is to remain as invisible as possible. However, I don’t want to be an embarrassment to my kid; I want to be someone she’s proud to introduce as her mom.

Wisely, she is keeping me away from the purchase and acquisition of important wedding items like the cake, flowers, invitations, and decorations. Everything her guests see on the all-important day will reflect her taste and her fiance’s, which is as it should be.

But since I have no control over anything that matters, I am obsessing over the few things that are within my power to choose… and I’m making myself crazy.

Thank God I don’t have a job… if I had any real money to spend on this stuff, I could outshop any housewife in Beverly Hills.








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