Physics for dumb bloggers


My ambition to become a physicist might be thwarted by my inability to do simple arithmetic.

Other than that, I am unstoppable.

Every day, I study with the masters: Stephen Hawking… Michio Kaku… Neil De Grasse Tyson… Brian Greene… Morgan Freeman.

I’ve read about three quarters of “The Elegant Universe” and I’ve purchased two copies of “A Brief History of Time.” Evidently, one fell into a black hole, but the other one sits at my bedside, emitting energetic strings of wisdom.

I could read it, of course, but there are two good reasons why I need not hurry:

  1. Time is relative, and what seems like procrastination to others is simply the blink of an eye for me.
  2. Everything in those books is available on television. You can bend their broadcast time to meet your needs, as long as you have an Amazon fire stick and an endless supply of coffee.

This is a good thing, because my husband does not share my passion for physics. His idea of a good TV show involves New York City cops who can catch and shoot the bad guys within 58 conventional minutes. That’s why I watch my physics only after he has gone to bed, as though I were indulging in a brilliant sort of intellectual porn. That, of course, makes it all the more exciting.

Oh, how I revel in the words of the sages, as they try to distill their knowledge so it’s understandable to bozos like me! I thrill to the graphs with which they demonstrate how gravity bends space, and how space and time are intertwined. I shudder as they explain how matter is shot through the Great Hadron Collider nearly at the speed of light, only to shatter into elusive little thing-a-mabobs that live for no more than a nanosecond.

Just today I happened to see how most of the Empire State Building is made up of empty space. Were it all to be removed, what we know of that amazing edifice would be no larger than a grain of rice! It would weigh millions of pounds, too, although I don’t know how one would weigh it.

Actually, I would know if I’d watched the next few minutes of the program, but that’s when they started to do calculations, so I came over to this computer and started writing this blog post.

There’s time enough to learn the details.


via Daily Prompt: Thwart

2 thoughts on “Physics for dumb bloggers

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