Please make contact.

An open letter to Bigfoots, Grays, Chupacabras, Men in Black, Merpeople and Unicorns:
Stop avoiding me.
I won’t kill you, dissect you, send you to a work camp at AREA 51, or take videos of you when you’re drunk that I can share on my You Tube channel.
I will not repurpose ancient rituals in which you’re sacrificed or worshipped; I will not put you at the center of any ceremony in which you’re surrounded by torches or dancing virgins.
I don’t know any.
I won’t sell you to the highest bidder… not to traffickers in the international black markets, and not to other housewives who troll ebay.
I won’t take you to social events and make you dance with nerds and uglies.
All I want is to see one of you. In person. Once.
The problem is, I don’t drive in the woods, I don’t own cows, I’ve never been to the Pacific Northwest, I’m nowhere near any mountains of lakes, and I have no personal connections with The History Channel.
You’re always appearing to people who have shows on The History Channel.
What do they have that I don’t have?
Are they more gullible?
I doubt it. I believe you’re real enough that I’m writing this letter, and you’ve never appeared anywhere in my vicinity!
Are they dumber?
Honey, I couldn’t reverse engineer a paper airplane; your secrets, your DNA, your provenance and your technology are safe.
Do they share your circadian rhythms?
Night and day stopped having any meaning to me on the day I retired. Do you want to meet in the middle of the night? No problem. Are you more of a morning creature? I can adapt.
Please forgive me if I sound desperate, but the truth is, I am filled with envy for people who claim to see you. Just this morning, I read about a woman in Michigan who has a whole tribe of Sasquatches living in her back yard. She feeds them blueberry bagels.
A whole tribe!
They’re a friendly, bunch too… they braid her pony’s hair, build little stick structures in the woods behind her house, and play pranks.
The only thing they won’t do is let her take their pictures.
That’s okay.
Would you be willing to settle for “everything” bagels? I really prefer them, but if you insist on blueberry, I will make do.

via Daily Prompt: Ceremony


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