A paean to peepee.

We dye our hair

We pluck our brows

We walk and exercise and dance

But though we try to seem we’re young

Old ladies wet their pants.

We don’t wear black because we’re chic

Or buy new perfumes with increasing strengths

Because we hope they’ll bring romance.

We hope, instead, to hide the truth:

Old ladies wet their pants.

I heard a doctor say today

That if we exercise our pelvic floors

Eschewing chocolate and wine, perchance

We may delay the day we join

Old broads who wet their pants.

And since good laughs will trigger leaks

We should be sober, serious crones

And live as though we’re in a trance.

We also should try not to sneeze

Lest we should wet our pants.

I will not give up sweets and wine

I’ll laugh and sneeze with equal zest

Yes, I will bow to happenstance.

But one thing will e’er piss me off:

Old ladies wet their pants.

Copyright A.N.Pikarsky, 2018

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