Happy New Year!


Hot diggity dog.

I remember wondering whether I’d ever make it to the Millennium, yet here I am, twenty years later.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Decade.

God be praised.

Now, today being New Year’s Day, I expect resolutions are called for.

I stopped making resolutions years ago, since I never kept them, and I got tired of failing at something that didn’t need to exist. Therefore, don’t expect me to say I will do one full hour of housework a day. I won’t. Don’t expect me to swear I’ll walk outside every day, or get out there and meet people; I’d rather put needles in my eyes, or listen to an hour of contemporary music.

Don’t expect me to do anything unpleasant unless I absolutely have to.

But do expect me to lose at least one hundred pounds this year.

I’m not going to do that alone… I expect to have bariatric surgery sometime this spring.

Previous attempts to lose weight were all about vanity, but I’m afraid the situation has become more serious. I can’t walk, breathe or bathe without gasping for air like a flounder on the dock.  I can’t wear tacky old lady lace-up shoes because I can’t bend down to tie them. I fear death, of course, but what I’m really afraid of is not fitting in the funeral plot we bought when we were young, or being too big to fit into a standard coffin. I could join the band of fatties who are  laid to rest in piano crates, but hey — I’m too small for a grand piano case, and too proud to be interred in any box made for a spinet.

In order to have the surgery, I need to be cleared by a truckload of doctors… psychiatrist, cardiologist, pulmonologist, endocrinologist, , and bullshitologists galore. Will I make the necessary appointments and actually show up? That remains to be seen.

Any other resolutions?

Well, I’d like to write more. At least one blog entry a day.

I had gotten pretty good at that, until I started painting, and then, I’m afraid one Muse booted out the other.

Can’t a girl do both?

Probably… even if she has to cut down on mindless TV and the endless stream of You Tube how-to videos.

She can even write while the TV drones on in the background, as it’s doing now.

Let’s see how long this lasts.






2 thoughts on “Happy New Year!

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