I need to talk about you
But you’re the only one here.
I need to speak with someone who’s lucid, resourceful
With someone who’s not hiding the deeds
Committed because reason is receding,
And self control is lacking.
I need to tell someone
As strong as you were
That your body is weak and your will is capricious
That your temper is fierce
While your need for affection and protection —
What the Spanish call “Amparo,”
Is stronger than it’s ever been.
I need to know what I should do.
I need to make decisions I’ve never had to make alone
And I need to make them without the input of our children,
who are also scared,
And don’t understand
The need to preserve some dignity in these lives
That we won’t live forever.
I guess I need to pray
But what should I pray God to do?
Should I pray for youth that He won’t return?
For health we’ve thrown away?
For you to become submissive
Or me to become dismissive
Or both to be locked away
Where your lack of awareness and my lack of decisive power
Won’t put you in peril or drown me in fear?
I need to speak with someone
The words I cannot say.
And you, who always understood the words I left unspoken
Have moved into a realm
Where thoughts and norms don’t matter.